Science Gaffs

Ann Landers recently republished a collection of test answers by science students that had originally appeared in Popular Science. We know your students would never have written these, but here they are, for what they are worth:

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

The moon is a planet just like Earth, only it is even deader.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.

Germinate: to become a naturalized German.

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - A, E, I, 0 and U.